Say No to Bullies, young !


So, we go to school and we encounter bullies.

But bullies are everywhere. They are in school, they are in the park, they are their in our workplaces, they are their are our homes …

UntitledThe truth is a bully is where ever we allow the persona of a insecure loud person to overshadow ourselves. A bully is like the overcast created by the clouds over the bright and beaming sun. But what we need to note here is the overcast can’t remain forever, the clouds gotta move, the ray’s needs to shine and find their way out.

The journey from home to school and back; in the big green bus can be overwhelming in the beginning but we make some of our most wonderful memories right there, chatting, jumping around, eating, singing … This is the first flight to independence in a child’s life, unsupervised by their parents. From a hesitant petite girl I saw my daughter blossom into a confident naughty girl … I knew it would happen, I knew she would cherish the trip daily. And then, we encounter the bullies.

The usual, slang and indicative gestures .. but how should a 7 year old be interpreting what F*** y** means … or the middle finger signifies !

Hmm …

What next ?

Okay! I am the mom, I should know what to tell her, how to deal with this. So the F word meansssssssssssss …. get lost, bugger off, go away, shoo …. urr how should I be explaining this to her ?? I don’t want to say the wrong thing but it’s wrong to introduce her to these slang’s at such young age anyways. My mind’s full of do’s and don’t, occasionally a bit pissed with those boys & the teacher who accompanies the children in the bus..

And then, “Mom don’t worry, I just turn away and ignore the boys, like I cant hear them.” She smiled and she got busy doing whatever she was doing already.

For the moment the topic died a calm death, but it kept lingering on in my head. What am I silently teaching her; to put up with the bullies by not giving them a befitting reply; to ignore boys when they use explicit gestures to get your attention; what example am I setting for a young girl who has to face a much challenging world soon enough on her own. I slept with this thought and woke up with fresh energy to answer some rather awkward questions of my little one. So we started all over again :

Me : So what happened in bus ?

She : Nothing !

Me : hmm.. okay ! You said something about two boys showing you the middle finger.

She : Oh yeah… they do it all the time mom they keep doing it right into my face but don’t worry I always look the other way and pretend they are invisible to me.

Me : Darling do you know what the middle finger signifies ?

She : Nope

images (6)Me : Okay. So the next time these boys show you the finger or bring it close to your face, don’t look away don’t pretend that you cant see. Obviously you can see and it effects your peace and calm. Right ..!!

She : Hmm….

self_defense_500x500Me : Look them in the eye and ask them to lay off ! If they don’t get it the first time tell them to back off , just a little more firmly this time ! And if they still don’t get it then please by all means use the finger locking technique you have learnt at your JUJITSU class and repeat back off now. Just ensure you have a calm face and a intense stare. It’s important to be a nice person, it’s important to be polite and do the right thing but first and most important is your safety. Everything else follows. By all means defend yourself first. I want you home and safe everyday. Period

She : (Big smile …. )

You’d be thinking, I just encouraged my daughter to get violent; is that correct parenting ! Would it be correct to tell her to retaliate with another slang or is it better for me to encourage her to use a self defence technique when a bully is stepping into her comfort zone.

I did what I thought was the best, and my daughter never cam back feeling over shadowed. Not that she needed to use the technique on the boys ( I secretly asked a senior in the bus to look into the matter), but the confidence that I saw my daughter carrying their onwards must have been enough to ward of the bullies. I know she will remember this conversation forever.

2I learnt as parents, we teach our children many thing; but we need to constantly reassure them of themselves, of their capability to fend for their own self, their capacity to face every challenge on their own, and to be ready to get beaten in a challenge and bounce back for round two. They will not win always, but the fact that they tried is good enough to walk with their heads held high.

Certainly, my little girl will remember forever that if needed be she can beat a bully. Certainly my girl knows, if she wouldn’t, her mom would seriously hurt the bully. It’s the confidence I gave her that I received from my mom and we will pass it on … Self Defence is no offence

This is where I draw the line


I am a Today parent. Yes I pamper my child, yes I am not overtly strict, yes I give-in often, yes I don’t always say No … but I know where to 

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Isn’t that what #parenting is all about 

#Life has changed, parenting has changed and so has childhood. I was very fortunate to grow up in a joint family with all the ladies of the house being home makers, always around to fully dedicate themselves to the house and to the

children. It’s not the same anymore. It’s a conscious decision I have made as an individual and as a parent. I can’t be physically available for my kid always. I have responsibilities, but I am not guilty of not being their for her in person. I am their for her at beck and call and she knows that. She is aware of my omnipresence, I am not exaggerating … I have created that safe  an environment for my kid. And I am very proud of it.

It wouldn’t have been possible without the support of my family, but most of all it wouldn’t have been possible without my daughters understanding, strong will & trust. My daughter is only 7 ! So when a child that age ( she was not even 2 when I resumed work), shows so much maturity why as a parent I should not be able to reciprocate. Life is as tough for her as is for me. Her challenges are as big as mine and at the end of the day she deserves to be rewarded with the freedom of “being her own age”, in the era that she was born. I am okay with her throwing a tantrum or two, or insisting on a extra minutes jumping on the bed ! I am okay indulging in treats on the weekends, I understand the occasional outburst too !

9f2c6b5074dacb468ebe47b5578dd175But I still say I know where to draw the line ! I had boundaries as a kid, as a teenager and I have boundaries even today as an adult. This is life … human life – we live with boundaries, we live in boundaries and it completely makes sense but only when you grow up, you can see that ! Now don’t expect a child to never cry for a new barbie she saw on TV, it’s not her fault the advertisement are made so enticing … we had only 30 minutes of TV time on weekdays and the advertising network was not that strong back then ! So their challenges are different; don’t make the same boundaries.

And oh, we were allowed to run out to the streets at sharp 5:00 pm without being bothered about anything else in the world – for 2 hours straight. Bike rides, hide and seek, kho-kho we have done it all and more. I don’t send my daughter out of the house without the supervision of an adult family member, it’s not her fault that today our society is not safe for kids to play on the streets. So whats the alternative – indoor activities, play-zones, play-dates, gaming zones, movies, malls, activity classes, sports clubs or maybe a new toy !!!

then-and-now-photos-11Our babies were born in a different era, we became parents in a different stage. So let’s give each other the space and let’s not judge. What’s right for me might not be right for you, but think again what you see as good parenting might be caging for me. As long as we raise responsible, educated, aware, respecting, appreciating and happy human being we are doing good.

Ask yourself, can we survive without the gadgets today, can we raise a kids without #Google assistance today, can you find a house without using Google maps, can you do homework without looking up answers online or wake up without an alarm ? Can you calculate without using your phone or do you remember your best friends mobile number ? Can you recollect the birthdays and anniversaries of everyone you wish on #Facebook without Facebook actually reminding you ???

quote-good-parents-give-their-children-roots-and-wings-roots-to-know-where-home-is-wings-to-jonas-salk-52-27-93Computer Ed starts in school in grade 1, and I assure you my kid knew #Chrome much before that. I am not guilty, I taught her well. Let’s accept digital is very much part of our lives and it’s here to stay. So lets not judge based on how many #gadgets our kids can operate.

You wanna still judge, judge by the way a kid wishes the teachers, or stands up to offer an elderly their seat. Judge by the knowledge that a kid gained watching a cooking video on #YouTube and baked her mom a birthday cake. Judge, by the #DIY craft learnt on FB, which made for a beautiful weekend family activity. Judge, Judge, Judge by all means if you have to… but I hope it’s not just to discuss on a #watsapp group you created.


kids-are-smart-dont-underestimate-their-bull-detector-contemporary-kids-have-access-to-a-lot-of-information-so-dont-even-try-to-fool-them-i-have-never-been-more-nervous-about-my-researchLead by an example
, detach yourself from your gadgets and head to the mountains, switch off your mobiles and build a sand castle, hear the waves crashing and memorize the giggles, snap the happy feet, plunge in the deep blue sea … but don’t do it to just post it online 🙂 because they can tell, and they are always watching.

I know where to draw the line; I am not judging you. Do you know where to draw the line ? 

I faced the Mob


The reason we write about something is because we can’t get it out of our mind, it’s still there, hovering for answer’s – for an outlet. I want to share my nightmarish experience, hoping no other goes through it ever … but it’s impossible and to be honest I think I was one amongst the lucky few who were not assaulted inspite of being alone.
So yesterday evening, as a routine I left from work and headed to pick up my daughter from Drew-Barrymore-Motherhood.jpgher art class. I admit when I was much much younger, I have driven fast, taken some leverages, driven zip-zap-zoom on occasions but that’s really in the past. An overall personality change comes from within, without being prompted – once you become a mother. The day I held my little girl in my arms for the first time, that day I had realised nothing in the world was worth risking her or myself for. I want to be around her; for as long as I can – to enjoy her smile, to watch her grow, to protect her, to guide her, to see her shine …!

It’s almost an hours drive from work to her class, and the entire drive was smooth as always. I was well in time and in no rush at all. Five minutes away from her class standing behind a row of cars on a narrow lane, (where there were two rows of moving cars and one corner row occupied by parked cars, I was doing nothing ) just waiting for the traffic to move – when my senses were shocked with a loud thud  ! The sound was so sudden and so loud I instantly jumped to my left and looked. What had happened ! My side mirror was turned outwards and then another sound of a bang and a skid sound and then the horrid sound of a crash. I was almost in shock that this has happened so close to my stationary car. After a few seconds I blinked and gulped. I saw the driver from the parked car next to mine had stepped out and was overlooking someone in disbelief. I jerked myself out of the initial shock and opened my car door – I could see a man flat-out on the road, and his scooter half on his legs half under my car. I will never be able to get the blue scooter and the passed out guy in blue cloths out of my memory. After I looked at him for a few seconds I figured he was drunk. His head was lightly swaying right and left his eyes were closed but their were no physical injuries.

The cars behind me started honking and turned right and moved on. I took the cue and got back in my car. I felt sorry for the man lying on the road but what could I do ! He was terribly intoxicated. Just as I sat back in my car out of no where a mob started accumulating around me and wouldn’t let me go. I was yelled at asked to step out and held responsible for that accident. I was baffled. I told these men still sitting in the safety of my car that my car was not even moving he rammed into my side mirror and passed out. image4-300x336.jpegTo my utter shock the driver in the parked car on my left at the time of this incident started spreading the rumour that he thought it was ‘me’ who hit the guy. download (8).jpgThe reasons I was hearing floating around me were : lady driver, car owner, poor man … The mob started getting aggressive, I could hear thumps on my car windows and the bonnet. They threatened me to step out of the car immediately. I called 100 (police). I explained the incident to the cop on the line, he asked me my exact location, and assured me he was sending help. Meanwhile I was forced to park my car at the side of the road. To be able to do that the mob lifted that man from the road literally holding him by one arm and one leg and dragged his scooter aside too. I called my mom and asked her to fetch my daughter, quickly thought of the closest help available and reached out to a friend who stayed close by. I gazed around looking for CCTV camera’s … my mind was running leaps and bounds.

In all this chaos, I unknowingly tuned of the engine off my car and the doors got unlocked without me realising. While I was answering a man on my right, to my complete horror the left front door of my car was opened by a young man. This was the moment when for the first time I felt fear and realised I was in a very vulnerable situation. Surrounded by some 50-60 rowdy judgemental men – I had no escape and no help. Surprisingly amongst the shouting crowd this guy spoke to me very genteelly he requested I take the injured man to the nearest hospital immediately and then they would willingly let me go inspite of me being at fault. I explained to him what had happened and that these men behaving like hooligans with an alone lady was not acceptable. I informed him cops were en-route and that I did not intent to move even an inch without the cops guiding me to. After hearing me the gentleman advised me to lock my car carefully and stay within. I locked immediately. I was surrounded by labourers and random children taking pictures of me and my car, using abusive language. I could see, passing by cars stop and well dressed men joining the crowd just to see what was going on. They would step ahead peep inside my car, like it was an alien space ship and then go back. I felt so offended at their behaviour but I also felt extremely helpless. I pretended I couldn’t see or feel fear at all.

dont-drink-drive-300Suddenly I noticed the crowd dispersing. A few men and that gentleman I had just spoken to were asking me to go. I rolled down my window and said, “look calm down the cops are on their way please wait …” and they replied, “madam go the man is heavily drunk he just got up and started blabbering random stuff – he is a drunkard.” I said I have been telling you the same.” They signalled me to not waste more time there and go. They fixed my car’s side mirror – helped me reverse my car and I drove at the same pace as earlier, simply because on that narrow crowded road it’s impossible to drive any faster.

Just as I straightened my car out the cops called inquiring my exact location and I updated them that the drunk man got up and walked off hence the mob dispersed. Once I confirmed I was okay and in no trouble the cop hung up. I headed my daughters way and informed my mom. At the art class in the waiting area I realised I was shaking from within. My demure at that moment, was calm and controlled but I felt fear and chaos within me. I used the loo, took a deep breath and parked myself on a couch. Played a few rounds of candy crush once again lost round 102 and then greeted my chirping girl with all the love and warmth.

We headed home and I was still not okay. I narrated the incidence to my family and I was still not okay. My daughter and I put together dessert for the full family and I was still not okay. I slept in the comfort of my bed and woke up still with the incident fresh in my mind. I am at work and the first thing I decided to do was write my experience and share with you.

download-7I faced the mob yesterday and it was scary. I faced the mob and it was judgemental. Was it fair ? If that drunk man would have not come to his senses what would have happened to me ? There was not one scratch on my car why was it assumed I hit his scooter ? Why was I subjected to so much aggression that I couldn’t step out of my car to help a man fallen on the road ? God forbid what if that guy would have died due to the impact of the fall and intoxication, what would my future be like ? The mob had already decided I was at fault, and the mob decided the drunk man was not worth their time ! Who gave them that authority to be so judgemental ! What impact would this incident had on my kid had she been in the car with me then ? I shudder at the though of the possibilities of what all could have happened yesterday !

The MOB will haunt my thoughts for a long time, i know ! I hope no one else ever get’s to know. I thank the Delhi police for not letting me down, I thank that one man in the crowd who did not judge. These were the longest & most intimidating 10 minutes of my life, longer than the time I spent in the labour room bringing a new life in this world.

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The Judgemental Teens


It’s over a decade I passed college, and figured life is like a gaming arcade – it’s up-to us individually whether we beat the target or we meet the target !

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And caught up in the middle of life’s complete hustle bustle, Saturday comes as a much awaited relief. To entertain extended family on the same day, get’s my eyes rolling all the way up ^^ . But in my endeavour to be a more social and approachable person I agreed.

So we were expecting a group of 4-5 ladies nearing there 50’s and a sharp contrast were their accompanying kids all  in their late teens or early 20’s. Phew .. that’s a deadly combination because I was stuck in the middle trying to ensure everyone was well entertained.

The ladies took off on their favourite trip of small talk’s, the kaam waali bai, the big fat weddings, daughter’s mother in law… blah blah blah. I was almost slipping down my chair wishing my iPhone would just suck me up into the world of candy crush because that; would have been a happier place at that very moment … not home ! To my utter relief one of my younger cousins a 19-year-old B.Sc student suggested we step out while the grown-ups chat … now it was my mom’s turn to roll her eyes up ^^ at me – but trust me I would have ignored that look even if Satan would have asked me out then.

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I jumped and grabbed the opportunity and we parked ourselves at a cafe close to home, ordered some drinks and a hookah. To my horror, these kids had already passed almost 5 judgemental remarks. I found myself in a spot ! These kids were judging me … ha

But why … !?!

I wondered why, and kept the show going … is it the age difference ? No that’s old school. Was it because I declined a drink during the day after having poori-aalo at home ? No because I was still doing hookah. Was I dressed to conservatively ? Hell, I don’t care ! Still I wanted to know what lead them to accuse me with, ” what’s wrong with you, you have become an Aunty !” Let me remind you the word Aunty is almost like a social stigma in our society when refereed with a bit of mockery.

I am used to being called AUNTY, my daughter is 7 years old and a whole bunch of little angels have been calling me aunty and it never sounded out of context until that day ! So after all the ha ha he he and talks about life plans,start-up, travel, parties, new cafe’s, metro, family Watsapp groups … I asked why have you been going on and on with your AUNTY rant ? Why ?

And the answer was ” I don’t know, aren’t you suppose to be one. You have a kid, you entertain grown-ups and we are kind of confused if you are cool or not because we don’t know much about your life.”

Huh ??download

I gulped down my annoyance and asked whats your definition of cool ? And the answer was “Well, people who party, drink & smoke, travel, and party and drink, and travel, and party and drink and have a good-looking partner … who are interesting to follow on Instagram and Facebook and who have lots of friends – are cool. “

What about work ? I asked.

“Yeah that also, but then what’s the rush dad can provide !” was the answer I got.

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children-kid-homework-parents-raising_children-childraising-vsh0503_low.jpgHmm…

Who led them to believe that ? Easy answers :

  • T.V.
  • Social media
  • School
  • Peer’s
  • They are too young must be joking !
  • haan toh what’s wrong with that, all this is for them only !

 

and back to the discussion ….

 

At the risk of being permanently categorised “boring & aunty types” I explained to them that it is important to maintain a balance and the one who manages to make a living and then wisely plans savings/expenses is cool not the one who expects daddy to pay for parties and travel even after holding a graduate or higher degree !

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“Hmm… but whats wrong with asking dad for a Gucci bag ! I mean it’s just dad ” was the response of these young kids who had been deeply influenced in a manner which had led them to believe it was okay to be a climber rather than a tree. They planned their lives assuming the support was their to take not their’s to provide.

Speechless at their ignorance, I  let the subject change and we came back to their aspirational talks about investing in Start-ups and launching NGO’s and the upcoming Goa holiday, Justin Bieber Mumbai concert and whose doing what in their circles …

… And I was as bored in this young circle as I was at home with the ladies ! I chose to reserve my advise for my daughter and took a deep drag off, of the hookah hose … paan and mint my all time favourites.

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Is it the circle of Life or is it a Loop


It’s important to have a feedback loop, it’s important we revisit our decisions BUT its most important to know when to STOP ! Sometimes we get stuck in situations which are just a result of over-analysing. Been there ? It’s time to snap out of this assessment phase and Move-On …

Do you recollect the song “circle of life” from the Walt Disney movie, Lion King – one of my favourites:

It’s the circle of life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of life

It’s the circle of life – We are meant to move – move and move on , but when this circle stops evolving, when life in this circle stops progressing it becomes a loop, a mundane routine we are unable to get ourselves out of, because we start believing that this is, “The circle of life” 

Hmm… we all have been in that loop some of us for long periods of our lives and some for brief phases. We all realise when we are stuck in one of these loops, but we also get used to the comfort zone we have created for ourselves and sometimes due to lack of any real motivation, due to lack of enthusiasm, due to lack of excitement we decide to stay as long as it is not disrupting anything around us. What we don’t realise is that this loop slowly and steadily is disrupting our inner peace.

recovery-counselor-houston-300pxReally ! But why ?

That’s because we were meant to do so much more ! We have one life and when we are not giving it our best shot; that starts eating up our inner peace. Comfort or Luxury which ever we have – that’s irrelevant ! Which of the two we worked to achieve and maintain is what matters. What matters at the end of the day is, how much of my inner potential did I unlock today.

A few more line from the Lion King:

From the day we arrive on the planet
And, blinking, step into the sun
There’s more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There’s far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
It’s the circle of life

It matters, make sure it matters ! Be the King you were meant to be.

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Scary Videos


I can’t understand how people always have camera’s ready to captures paranormal activities like these when I cant even be ready with a camera 24×7 to record my little one first moves…!

“It’s not the pace of life that concerns me. It’s the sudden STOP AT THE END.”


I have grown up watching Sci-Fi’s Like the Fifth Element, Men in Black, Jurassic Park, Matrix, Terminator, Predator, Robocop, Alien, Transformers, Godzilla, A v/s P, X-men, Independence Day, The Apocalypse, Species, Spiderman, Jumanji and many more.

The aliens always attacked them; the dinosaurs always only visited them, My car never transformed into Bumble Bee, no Giant Snakes, no Giant Lizards, no magical games and No Tom Cruise to save our asses. Ever wondered why all these movies had New York and D.C. as the main victims and the world saviours too…I didn’t…this was pure entertainment…food for a young mind…YUMMY

UNTIL I saw 2012…and it made me think…but again, after a brief discussion for a few days I forgot all about 2012, until the most recent Tsunami in Japan, triggered all these questions once again about 2012, more commonly known as the DOOMSDAY…End of the World.

Several experts from across the globe are predicting that the earth is likely to end by the year 2012. The reason could be a human effect or natural disaster. From Chinese theories to scientific predictions the most likely date is the year 2012 This bland-looking date has spun anxious circles around the Western world, sparking an international blaze of assumption, expectation, hype, and in some cases, hysteria, fear  and terror.

And while surfing the net, I read a lot about it and saw many videos, which sort of freaked me out for a while, then it sank into me, that we are in India, and these exciting activities only happen in America….hahahahaha

On a serious note, an interesting theory is the Mayan Calendar, which fascinated me, so I am going to share a little of my new found knowledge with you all. First to predict 2012 as the end of the world were the Mayans, a cruel race that were good at two things — building highly precise astrological equipment out of stone and sacrificing virgins.

Thousands of years ago they managed to calculate the length of the lunar moon as 329.53020 days, only 34 seconds out. The Mayan calendar predicts that the earth will end on December 21, 2012. Given that they were pretty close to the mark with the lunar cycle, it’s likely they’ve got the end of the world right as well.

The only reason why it’s scary is because without any technology, those people were only 34 seconds behind at time, dates etc. and they were not even as advanced as we are now, so should we really believe that? It’s kind of scary but also very interesting. What do you think? Is it going to happen? Another fact is that they counted dates and times by stars, and everything that had to do with nature.

Some really scary things about the whole 2012 end scenario:

  • All religions, ancient cultures and even atheists and spiritualists agree on something for once. Thousands of people are insisting that dreadful things are going to start happening between now and December 21, 2012. This is not just about the Mayan calendar.
  • Man made disasters will be made even worse with the coming natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanoes coupled with super storms of all kinds. And global warming is really climate change, which is happening on all planets in the solar system.
  • Nostradamus predicted 2012 end of the world in his book they found a couple of years ago. The wildest thing about this prediction is that The Lost Book of Nostradamus is a fake. This makes it even scarier than when I heard he was predicting the same end of time date as the Mayan predictions.
  • Incessant TV programming about this 2012 end of the world on a Mayan calendar date, and now a 2012 movie opened on Friday the 13th. Add to that all the other once thought to be paranormal topics now being shown on respectable channels like NOVA and the History Channel. They just showed a feature about UFOs that make it hard to believe this stuff isn’t real.
  • Sightings of UFO crafts and alien abductions are rapidly increasing world wide. I have a hunch they will escalate in leaps and bounds as we get nearer to the end of days in December 2012.
  • This is just the tip of the scary events coming. There are tons of things you need to know. Like how all kinds of ancient cultures have always known. Polar shift has happened before and so has global destruction. We aren’t bigger than the universe! If Planet X Nibiru is going to come, they can’t control what the solar system does to Earth.

Anyways, that’s all theory, it’s all over the internet, watch YouTube for interesting video’s.

But the freaky part is the END, not who predicted it, I mean let’s face it, if it’s all coming to an end, then how does it matter, who said it first and who contested the same….!

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